He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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