Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
