Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
