I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
