Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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