shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
