I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
