i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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