i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
