The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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