i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
