I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
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