We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
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