doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
