You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
There are leaves in my underwear?
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