you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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