Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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