Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
