but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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