i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
