We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
