his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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