i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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