I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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