i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
