It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
