the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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