Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I AM VODKA MAN
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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