He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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