please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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