i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
