I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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