Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
