I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
