my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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