She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
