im six kinds of drunk right now
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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