i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
