Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
