I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
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