Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
