is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
where are my eyebrows?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
