I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
