Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
