Nicole vs. Life
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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