it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Alive.
So much puke
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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