He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
