I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
