I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
