its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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