i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
