How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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