I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
