Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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